The first scribbles

Growing up was not an easy thing for me. I had to change a hundred schools , leave back friends I had just made , leave homes I had just settled into and above all leave behind memories to start new ones every time. What got me through this messy childhood of mine were a few bottles of paint . It seemed so ย weird back then, as to ย how something so tiny and insignificant to many , was one of the only two things that kept me happy. Whenever I felt down I would scribble and i would be immensely proud of my masterpiece every time . Of course if you looked at them now, you’d probably tell me that it looked nothing more than a bunch of meaningless lines and circles. But to Me it was something more. I felt like the greatest artist in the world. As I grew older, my scribbles grew too. I would draw all the time, morning, noon and night. I would draw in school on the back of my textbooks; I would draw during recess. As much as I wanted to have someone teach me more about Art, I did not get a chance to do so. There was this one person though, someone whom I can now remember only as ย an old man who looked too wise, to whom my parents sent me to learn art. It was only when he taught me that I realised I’d been holding my pencil the wrong way all along!!! Fascination got me got me hard . I needed more, but before I could get more, I had to move again. In time, somehow , miraculously , my scribbles became a bit more refined. I could hear the lines talking to me. Every stroke of the brush sent a jolt of freshness through me. It was then that I started to stop caring about how my drawings looked. I rather cared about the experience.. the journey of working on a piece of art. It didn’t matter how it came out , I always ended up being in love with myself . Every time I finished an artwork big, or small I felt rejuvenised. It was my own , my very personal form of meditation. I am now 21 years old. I am in college and with the tight work schedule I get very little time to spend with my brushes . But trust me, reader, those moments are what I live for. I am not a Pablo Picasso , neither do I want to be one ย .. but I am sure i am someone . Go on , reader. Find your own happy place!! If you’re already there then tell me about it! I’m all ears!

P.S.. this being my first blog post and all, Do tell me on how I can improve on my writing๐Ÿ˜‰

When I let the light in…

As human beings, we tend to believe that our soul lies in our heart rather than in our brain โค๏ธ. While in reality, the heart and brain both go hand in hand to keep our soul and body intact, we relate our brains to more practical thoughts and our hearts to our very core being โœจ.

Science aside, I, another mundane soul on earth, also believe my soul rests in my heart. I believe I have a spiritual heart beside the little box of blood underneath my rib cageโœจ.

If you were to cut open that spiritual heart of mine you’d find a million little compartments each with equally significant memories and feelings ๐Ÿƒ.

There of course was a time when more than half of those compartments were as dark as the sky with the blackest thoughts ๐ŸŒ‘, the scariest creatures lurking in them ๐Ÿ’€.

As I learnt how important my soul was, I learnt to prioritise ๐Ÿ˜Œ. I understood what was worth keeping in my inner safe ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ. As I removed the dark thoughts one by one , very tiny rays of light crept into my soul space, my heart home ๐ŸŒ’. First one very tiny ray, then a million tiny, tiny rays ๐ŸŒ—and then in no time, the whole room was as bright as the sun ๐ŸŒ–. Only when I let the light in, I discovered that my room was luminescent โญ๏ธ. My room could glow! It had its own light! It was a sun all by itself ๐Ÿ˜‹! My sun started growing brighter and brighter until it outgrew the light outside ๐ŸŒ•. In its glow, tiny flora found home.๐ŸŒฑ What stared with one little leaflet of grass ended up being one huge garden ๐Ÿž. And what a beautiful garden it was ๐Ÿ˜! Never before seen flowers in the rarest of colours, each standing for a lovely memory ๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒผ; beautiful creatures no man has ever seen, each an image of my crazy emotions๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ‰๐Ÿฆ‹. Tiny, tiny castles in the sand, ones that can never be taken down ๐Ÿฐ, each for those people that helped me realise that I could see the light, each for the people that let in the very first rays of light ๐Ÿ’›. Once this beauty came into existence, I knew the darkness was defeated. Of course there’s always going to be one or two weeds โ˜˜๏ธ, one or two evil beings but I know my light, now stronger than ever, can beat the crap out of them ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿป.

In my place, it always rains ๐ŸŒง; in my place, rain isn’t a bad thingโ„๏ธ. It’s all the beautiful moments I live for; all the little happy things that keep me goingโœจ; a few drops from the smiles random people give me; ๐Ÿ˜Œ a million drops from those smiles I love ๐Ÿ˜‹; some, from the meows of my everyday furry friends ๐Ÿˆ; some from the kindness out there ๐Ÿ’Ÿ; some from the love that goes both ways๐Ÿ’–; some from all the times that the ones that matter think about me๐Ÿ˜Œ. This rain and my sun, (which so happens to be what my name means ๐Ÿ˜‹), are what keep my garden aliveโ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒง. All together, my garden, my heart-home, it’s an Eden by itself ๐ŸŒˆ. A place where anything can happen, where anything is possible. Here, in my soul, magic happens โœจ. There are little stars bursting all the time, sprinkling pixie dust all over. There are little faerie people, my friends, my reflections, telling me what’s right and wrong; showing me they care about me ๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿป; showing me I care about ME. It’s beautiful in here; heavenly even๐Ÿž. If you’re wondering if you could just catch a glimpse of my paradise, then human, know that this mere description is only what you’re going to get ๐Ÿ˜œ. But let me tell you a secret. There’s a whole tiny freakishly beautiful and stunning garden residing within you ๐Ÿ˜‰. You just have to be strong enough to let the light in ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ. When you do, you’ll discover you had a whole new world inside, the key to which only you hold ๐Ÿ—. This world is just for you to see. You decide how it looks. You decide the foliage that grows in there. You decide how bright it glows โ˜˜๏ธ. You decide how your reflection faeries guide you. If you dig deeper, and decide right, then you’ll see how easy it is to pull out the weeds; you’ll see how achingly marvellous your soul looks ๐Ÿ’–. All you need is to look within and let the rays of hope and dreams seep in like the cool summer breeze ๐Ÿƒ. So do it, reader. Go find your soul space. Find your Fae people. Go on an adventure within yourself; with yourself ๐Ÿšต๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ. You’ll discover amazing things no human being can ever see. Break your walls. Crush the glass doors. Defeat that darkness ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ. You need this; your soul needs this.

So, just




in….. ๐Ÿ’ฅ

Posted in Art

To plan or not to plan ..I

“Graduate by 23

Fall in love by 23

Get a stable job by 25

Get married at 26

First baby by 27

Second baby at 29

Third baby by 31”

Does this look familiar? Are these the kind of goals you once set for yourself? Are these some of the goals you are struggling to achieve? Well then, high five๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผ.

If you’ve read my previous blog, you’d know I am a dreamer. You’d know I am a unicorn believer ๐Ÿฆ„ and that I’m a hopeless romantic. Let me tell you one more thing about myself. I am a planner. ๐Ÿ“…

At 17, I’d had my whole life planned. Everything I’d do from college to my grandchildren, I had an idea of ๐Ÿ™Š. At some point in time, during the very first stage of my plan, I began to understand that things never go the way the seem to be going. I realised time, so rare and so precious, is meant to be enjoyed then and there.๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

I’d spent almost 3.5 of my 5 year college life planning for the future, that I failed to see what was happening right before my eyes. I thought I’d found my soul mate and I built my whole world around him. My future was nothing but him. He was my world and I was his satellite.๐Ÿ™„

I’d planned our wedding, our children’s names, our home, literally everything. Simply saying, I had no life of my own without him.๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

The moment I broke free of the relationship, I saw it all. I saw all the million possibilities before me. For once, I saw MY life. I hadn’t planned for that particular moment to happen, but it did. ๐Ÿ˜ป

For once I wanted to live free. For once I wanted to live in the NOW. I stopped looking too far off into the future and decided to enjoy that moment. There were infinite possibilities for me when I excluded the time factor.โœจ

I came to a realisation that reaching the goal doesn’t matter but it is the journey that does๐Ÿ›๐Ÿฆ‹. I understood that if I existed in that moment, then the journey of wanting to reach the goal wouldn’t seem so tiresome.๐Ÿ•ธ

One spark, and I understood I needed to actually start living.๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ I saw the people before me, I saw the world before me, once I let go of my worry for the distant future.

If you’ve come to this realisation long back or if you were born that way, then reader, you’re one of the luckiest people on the planet, for you’ve been living, and not surviving. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

If you’re one of those people (like my past self) who constantly worries about what will happen and miss what IS happening, then it’s high time you think about it.๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Think about what you’re missing out on. Think about all the great possibilities slipping through your fingers just because you’re too busy to pay attention.๐Ÿ•ฐ

Start feeling the soil beneath your feet.Get your shoes dirty;get your feet dirty๐Ÿ‘Ÿ. Have you ever stopped to feel the wind kiss your face? ๐ŸŒฌDo it now! Stop and listen around you human! Listen to the birds๐Ÿฆ…, listen to the near-constant buzz of everyday life๐ŸŽ†. Listen to the voices around you and you’ll be surprised to find how each one is different by a tiny bit. Look at the people around you. Isn’t it amazing how every face has the same parts but then somehow, each one is different. Can you find what makes each face different? You can’t. But try! Look into the eyes of the animals around, you’ll see their soul. Search within and you’ll see yours.

Love people NOW โค๏ธ. Do not put it off for the future thinking there’s a time for everything. Don’t stop yourself from feeling. Give your time to those who love you. If you don’t, then you’ll have a lot of time at hand but not many memories. It’s the memories that matter when you’re old and fragile and too weak to do anything ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿป. You’ll want to be able to think about those happy moments and feel you’ve lived a satisfying life.

Carry your passion in your soul. Let the fire burn ๐Ÿ”ฅ. You don’t have to reach the destination, you just have to enjoy trying.

Take time for yourself ๐Ÿ–ค. Do what you love though you have deadlines approaching. Those maybe important now, but you are important too. So set aside some time for yourself. Love yourself; above all.

Learn to say no once in a while ๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿป. It doesn’t make you a bad person to put yourself before others. Love makeup? Wear it whenever you can ๐Ÿ’„. Love art? Draw away like the world is going to end โœ๐Ÿผ. Love reading? Savour every word and let it drench your soul ๐Ÿ“š. Love sports? Drag your friends away for a game now and then ๐Ÿˆ.

Make plans. But small ones. Split your bigger plans into bite-sized bits and take it in one at a time. You’ll see your world through new eyes ๐Ÿ˜Œ. You’ll find yourself in the midst of the best kind of people-your kind of people. You’ll find peace in solitude; you’ll find peace in company.

Go ahead hooman! Love yourself a little more everyday! ๐Ÿ–คFall in love with life a little more everyday. Take one step at a time and soak each step in before you take the next one. Get wet in the rain of the present. Sweat off the sorrows of the day and shake off the burden on your shoulders every once in a while.

Don’t forget to let me know how you see your worldโ˜บ๏ธ. Let me know how you’ve changed. Let me know If you want to change. Tell me your stories for I’d love to live in your shoes even if it’s for a few minutes.โ˜บ๏ธ

Nobody can do it all. Remember that you are loved; by me and by the universe.โค๏ธ So stop surviving and get living !!! See ya soon ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹

Posted in Art

Do fairytales come true?

As a little girl, I grew up listening to fairytales; ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐ŸปI grew up reading that for every damsel in distress, there was a Prince Charming๐Ÿคด๐Ÿป, waiting to come riding on his ethereal white horse and save the poor lass. I fell in love with Cinderella, I cried with Snow White, I escaped with Rapunzel and I got lost with Aurora. Like a little girl’s mind would go, I believed , quite strongly, that “Someday my prince will come”๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ , and I kept believing for quite a while. (Well, a part of me believes so even now, but let me come to that later ๐Ÿ˜….)

Being quite a hopeless romantic๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ, it usually doesn’t take me long to get attached to someone. But just one time, only one time, in my twenty two years as a human, have I fallen madly in love with another human ๐Ÿ‘ซ. For those of you who have truly felt it, the first love is like a fire that sets your soul ablaze๐Ÿ”ฅ . It makes you want to do insane things and it makes you want more.

This first love, very much like a fairytale, is capable of making you feel the height of human emotionsโœจ. For some extremely lucky people, their first and their last loves happen to be the same person๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿป. But for most others, in time, the first love fades away๐Ÿƒ.

For some or most girls like us , ( I mean us, unicorn/knight-in-shining-armour/Prince Charming believers)๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฆ„ , the first real relationship is like an enlightenment. We either realise that this is our forever or that this is a mistake .

If you were to ever ask me if I regret falling in love with the one I did, my answer would be no. No, I do not regret falling head-over-heels for a guy who time and again chose over me. I do not regret falling for the guy who knew that if there ever came a choice between me and ‘something-else-that-I’d-rather-not-mention’, he’d chose over me. I do not regret falling for the guy who knew he’d chose over me but still led me on๐Ÿ˜Œ.

I do not regret those first few years because they were some of the most beautiful years of my life๐Ÿ’–. It made me realise that I was capable of giving insane amounts of love. It made me brave, it surprisingly made me independent and it made me fall in love with life. It gave me so much happiness and some memories,that no matter what, I’ll never let go of.

Somethings happened and made me realise there’s no point in trying anymore ๐Ÿ˜ช. Some of you reading this may say that if you gave up so easily then it was not true love. Then I ask , who decides what true love is ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ. Plus no one every gives up EASILY. It’s never easy. I believe it was as hard for them as it was for me to give us up๐Ÿ˜Œ.

Though giving up broke me and is still, in a way, breaking bits of me everyday, I know I’ll heal enough someday, to let myself be loved by someone else ๐Ÿ˜Œ. As soon as I decided, I thought about my fairytale ending. This was not how it’s supposed to be. We should have lived a happily ever after ๐Ÿ˜•.

I truly thought I needed saving, while all along the only person ever capable of saving me , had been me๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿป. I realised that only I could genuinely know what I need and only I can give myself the love I deserved.

Well I’m not saying that there is no Prince Charming. There are Prince Charmings. Plenty of them. There are those that’ll know you inside out;those that are your best friends; those that are your brothers; those that are your sisters. Those kinds of Prince charmings don’t save you. They are the ones that tell you you are utterly capable of saving yourself.

So, I’m not saying there’s no Prince Charming. I’m just saying that these Prince charmings do not exist to save you. They are individuals with a completely different set of human emotions who will never wholly fulfil your expectations ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿป. They do not exist to save you. You need to save yourself from whatever it is you’ve been running from.

Even after this kind-of spiritual awakening I had, I still believe my Prince Charming is out there somewhere ๐Ÿ™Šand the one I believed in, he’s probably not mine. Because if he were, then whatever happened shouldn’t have happened.

I also ask myself if I’ve given up too early๐Ÿ™„. The strong woman inside me says that I did it for my own good. I did and do deserve better. Though I’ll never stop hurting for my first love, I’ll always remember I went down trying hard๐Ÿ˜Œ. I’ll always remember I did my best and still it was never enough.

Some day, my Prince will come. Yours will too โ˜บ๏ธ. They will come to walk beside you. They will be your soul-mate. Someone who will not take you for granted. They will not do things for you, but they’ll do it with you. They will give you all the love you deserve.

I believe I’ll find my Prince. When I do, I will know, and he will know, and the whole world will know. He will fight for my love and I will fight for his. The love will go both ways ๐Ÿค. To answer the question in the title, do fairytales come true? ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธWell reader, I don’t know. I guess I’ll know IF I find my happy ending, and you’ll know WHEN you find yours.

Take care, reader. Stay strong. We are a rare breed, us fairytale believers. So let’s stick together and be there for each other.Let me know when your fairytale comes true ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰

Posted in Art

The wisdoms of a tumbleweed ๐Ÿƒ

An ounce of gossip, a teaspoon of rumour, a pinch of ya-yas and finally a bucket of drama๐Ÿ˜ฑ- the right essences in the right amount to brew a perfectly delicious college life ๐Ÿฝ. Delicious, yes๐Ÿ˜‹. Nutritious?๐Ÿค” More on that very soon.

To me, personally, these topics are more than familiar. Iโ€™ve been witnessing drama ever since I could say drama. ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿป Iโ€™ve switched a million schools( well, 10 to be exact. I Just wanted to be dramatic๐Ÿ˜‰) and two colleges. So believe me when I say that Iโ€™ve seen more number of people than anyone else in college.( Oh, and if thereโ€™s someone just like me, high five and same pinch๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ˜‰). Iโ€™ve seen more people and Iโ€™ve seen ten times more drama ๐Ÿ–๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ–๐Ÿผ.๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿคณ๐Ÿผ.

All of these, Iโ€™ve learnt through personal experience ( and I feel itโ€™s my duty to leave behind my wisdom to the world ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿป).

A few days into college, youโ€™ll find yourself talking about someone else with the one person you call friend. ๐Ÿ‘ฏYou talk for hours, in class, out of class, in the hostel or on the phone. As long as it remains a talk, it stays in the safe zone. Then the rumours creep in. You will not have any idea where it came from. ๐Ÿ‘€The problem with rumours is that every time they reach someoneโ€™s ears, there are extra bits added to them, and the resulting statement sounds so gruesome that you wouldnโ€™t want anything like that to be said about you. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Rumours are one thing and gossiping is another. ๐Ÿ˜•What happens when you gossip is, you make judgements. You group up with your friends and you judge. One pathetic thing is, soon, youโ€™ll begin gossiping about friend#1 to friend#2. ๐Ÿ˜Tension builds up slowly because you know they must be talking about you too. Slowly , very slowly your emotions expand. One day, they will burst out. People are hurt. ๐Ÿ˜พThe accused play the part of the victim most times (when I say most times, I MEAN most times) and the actual victim feels wrongly accused. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ‘ฟThen everything becomes dreadful.

One other extreme where I find myself caught more often compared to the first, is the issue of self-respect. I have a huge problem. ๐ŸคI will never let go of my Self-respect. What I hear many calling me is egoistic.๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ™ƒFor starters, I (you) donโ€™t have to explain to anyone why you walk away. ๐Ÿ™…๐ŸปBut since Iโ€™ve started talking , Iโ€™d very well explain. As much as I have a self-respect problem, I have a problem of not being able to say no. ๐Ÿ™†๐ŸปThe resulting situation โ€“ I end up doing more things for others with barely any time for myself.๐Ÿ˜ญ (For anyone who can relate to this, โ€˜sighโ€™ high-five๐Ÿ˜ฅ). You do everything for everyone and then one day, you realise youโ€™re barely appreciated for that and you quit๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ. Gone! The whole world turns against you! ๐Ÿ˜กThe helper becomes the meanie. The helped becomes the victim. Drama โ€ฆ dramaโ€ฆ dramaโ€ฆ the cycle begins. Gossips, status updates, brain washes etc. Etc. Etc. (In my experience, cat fights ๐Ÿคผโ€โ™€๏ธare not uncommon๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜) Some of us tolerate everything. We go carefree , while some of us can not just sit there and take shit, so we try to get even. ๐Ÿ‘ป. One day when the truth comes out from someone else, itโ€™s a whole new version of the Cold War.โ˜ ๏ธ

So whereโ€™s the map๐Ÿ—บ with a way out of this hectic, anxiety-inducing, depressing, hidden world of โ€˜tween-ageโ€™ drama?? ๐ŸŽญTo start with if you know a place is dangerous , then DONโ€™T GO THERE. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธIโ€™m telling this because Iโ€™m guilty of gossiping. ๐Ÿ™‹๐ŸปIโ€™ve been a topic of discussion for many.๐Ÿ˜Œ Iโ€™ve been a victim of rumours and situations of being used a million times. ๐Ÿค•So believe me when I say that you can not stop people from talking about you. Change should begin from you. YOU. ๐Ÿ‘Š๐ŸผStop talking about others and stop worrying about what others think/ talk about you. Remember, you are important ONLY to you.๐Ÿ˜ป (And to those one or two people who respect you more than you respect yourself๐Ÿ˜˜).

Someone great kept telling me not to get too attached (thatโ€™s another of my problems which will take years to talk about๐Ÿ˜…) . Attachment is what leaves you broken when your trust is broken. ๐Ÿ˜’Trust-22 years and a million people later, I still can not judge who I can trust. ๐Ÿ™„So Iโ€™ve decided no more trust-at-first-sight. Iโ€™ve decided to start saying no once in a while โŒ. Iโ€™ve decided I am my first priority. Iโ€™ve decided no more gossips about real people. Iโ€™ve decided to move away from toxic people.โ˜ข๏ธ If youโ€™re one of the few wondering what I will talk about then , ๐Ÿ˜(with me not being able to close my mouth and all) go back a few lines. ๐Ÿ˜‰. I said no talking about โ€˜realโ€™ people ( fictional characters- DEFINITELY not included in the no-gossip category๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹). Thatโ€™s what Iโ€™m going to do. Iโ€™m changing. Not for anyone else but for myself, ๐Ÿ˜Œand I suggest you do the same. If you have a problem with the way someone treats you, tell it to them directly. If youโ€™re worried you might be left alone, remember, thereโ€™s nothing wrong in solitude. Solitude is peace.โœจ (If you ever see me alone , somewhere, reading something by myself, do not feel bad for me. Know that I am the happiest at that moment๐Ÿ˜‹ ). Go ahead and be the crazy person youโ€™ve always been.๐Ÿ‘ป Donโ€™t worry about what others think about you. ( Let the haters hate๐Ÿ˜Ž). So thatโ€™s my really long, ( hopefully not boring๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ) , totally, medically irrelevant, a little bit personal โ€˜analysisโ€™ of college drama. Go on and love yourself FIRST hooman ๐Ÿ˜‹. I know I love myself.(plus MY people) (AND CATS!!!!!!!!๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’›).

P.S: Always remember, โ€˜two can keep a secret if one of them is deadโ€™๐Ÿ˜‰(high-five, PLL fans ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰)

P.P.S.: Thanks to the reader who recommended this title for me โ˜บ๏ธโ˜บ๏ธโ˜บ๏ธ

Oh, and guys do check out my instagram for my art . Iโ€™d be really happy to hear your ideas too ..

Thatโ€™s the link to my insta profile๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿผ

More from the tumbleweed and her art very soon โ˜บ๏ธ

Posted in Art

In fond memory…

                       Whenever I come across pictures of puppies online, this immense grief , almost like a flaming dagger, strikes me hard.It makes me want to go back to the times in my life where those tiny beings were my only friends. I grew up in many places. If you have ever been to India , especially the south, you’d  know about this beautiful place called Ooty-short for Ootacamund. That’s where most of my childhood was spent. 

              When I was there, in the midst of those beautiful hills, I discovered where my heart belonged. Since I changed schools a lot, I didn’t have many close friends. I was, and still am an only child.I was  12 years old and all I had to keep me company were three puppies-Chandini,Cherry and Beethoven ( I loved that movie!), a kitten(who did not stay with me for long), a few Guinea pigs, some rabbits , a pair of cocktails, a couple of geese and some rats and sparrows that made my home theirs too.

              Beethoven was my first puppy. My first love. He was the smartest wiener dog I’d ever known. He’d be with me all the time, wagging that cute little tail of his and unconsciously making me the happiest person on earth. He’d come along on my mini shopping trips to the nearby stores when he’d so skilfully help me cross the road. He was so mature. God, I loved him. 

             He’d usually go off to the farms and not return for a night or so, but he’d usually come back. But one time he didn’t. I kept waiting for him,expecting to see his shiny black furry tail come wagging to me. But it didn’t . Then they told me he wasn’t coming back. I didn’t feel anything. It didn’t feel real. I just felt numb and I felt that way for a really long time. 

           Then came Chubby. She brought back all those happy times. But I didn’t get to spend as much time with her as I did with Beethoven. When we moved again, the people who let us rent their house did not approve of pets. Sadly, we didn’t have any choice other than to give her away.

            I still remember the day so clearly. It’s like it just happened yesterday. I remember the last time I saw her, and the last time she saw me…those eyes.. I cried that day; I cried the next day; I cried for a whole week. What else could I do, but cry and pray that she’d be alright whenever she was?

              Chubby and Beethoven had left a hole in my heart that no human can ever fill. They were my life. All I now have is memories of them. Not even a picture. I wanted to honour them for everything they’ve given to me. So I did the only thing I could. I painted………… 

               In fond memory of Beethoven and Chubby;forever in my heart. I’ll always love you.

(P.S. Beethoven is the one on the back-the wiser one and Chubby is the one in front-the teeny one) 

(P.P.S. About Chandini and Cherry, the next time.)


                               One evening a few months back, one of my colleagues asked me if I could draw  a Phoenix bird for some programme they were going to conduct in our college. I, like always, couldn’t say no. My area of comfort was , and is still limited to watercolours and oil paint. Realism is my thing and I am not much into abstract art. So I was wondering how I was going to create this Phoenix painting. Watercolours? No chance, because obviously the result would not be dramatic enough. Oil? Nope! That would take too long.

                               As I kept wondering about the options, I had an idea. I had always wanted to try digital art and I thought, ‘why not now?’ . So I got to work on a very basic artists’ application I had installed on my iPad. It took me a long time to get the hang of it but somehow I finally managed to finish it. I should say I was kind of proud that it came out alright on my first attempt at digital art. 

                                  When I sent the image to the person who asked me for it, he told me that the eyes needed to be more fierce. Though drawing eyes was my plus point, it wasn’t easy giving them that angry look the guy wanted. When I finally did it, I mailed it to him . I didn’t get much of a response from him though . Maybe he thought it was an easy job, or maybe he thought it was photoshopped or something. 

                                        Anyway, the thing is, they did not use the image anywhere. It turned out that it wasn’t needed anywhere. This fact didn’t bother me as much as the fact that the person who asked me for the favour did not bother to thank me for it even once. It broke my heart to find out that gratitude is so hard to find these days. After putting so many hours into the piece, all I wanted was one tiny word of appreciation.

                                     It made me feel so stupid for even agreeing to help him out. That was my problem. I couldn’t say no, and I don’t think I will be able to, even in the distant future. So, as I sat there looking at my amateur Phoenix art,  I decided that if I am not going to say no, then I’ll have to learn to live with it; rise from the ashes, just like my bird.